You just don't know it...

Sometimes I die a little inside when  I realise that  it is what it is and not a thing more.
Sometimes I think of it too much that I imagine taking out my hypothalamus and tweaking it.
Sometimes I feel stuck because of an imaginary boundary we subconsciously conjured.
Sometimes I feel like letting it all go, but more often than sometimes I talk inside my head and say that I don't want to lose you (even if I'm not sure if I am gonna have you).
And everytime that I feel taken for granted, I hang on still.
Because I have this weird feeling that I am never going to forgive myself if I let you go.
It's crazy how one person can take over a part of our brains and without even knowing hurt you, break you, make you feel foolish.
Like how you smile like an idiot over old messages.
And how you relate every damn thing living and non living to him.
It sucks. But it feels right.